Murphy Drives A Semi

Murphy Drives A Semi

by Clancy O’Lafferty

clancy olafferty

 

Murphy moved to the You Nighted States

cuz he wanted to drive a big semi

and he dreamed of all them highway cafes

with them waitresses hot and are plenty

but his hopes got busted when his wife said

that she must ride every haul with him you see

well, Murphy he tried

to prevent her by chiding

“You’ll not have me stoppin’ to pee!”

she said, “No, I won’t

I can hold it you dolt”

and at last he was forced to agree

but ten miles down the interstate

she said “For pity’s sake

stop, let me get some relief!”

Murphy said, “No!

Roll down the window

stick yer bum out and take yer damn pee!”

so, she did it but soon

she said, “Number two

as well tis callin’ me name”

Murphy said, “NO!

Roll down the window

with the poo you can just do the same!”

and so she did

and the flyin’ shit

hit two drunks on the side of the lane

One said to the other

“What rotten tobaccer

them truckers is chewin’ these days!”

The other one said

“You ain’t kiddin’ Fred

but it’s one other thing that I’ll ask ya

the tobacco’s sure rotten

but my eyesight is not

did you notice the face on that bastard?

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

 

 

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All in the same boat

All In the Same Boat

by Maurie Nord

In a world of trials stresses, and sorrows
we know that we are never alone
we are all in the same boat
those of us with even the slightest human dignity
who would rather bless than blast
unless forced for this freedom to row
we fight at last still
we are always looking for the comfort zone
and who can blame us?
certainly not the Lord Himself
for the Lord is our Shepherd
He encourages to lie down in green pastures
where are those pastures?
they are in His heart
and resting there we shall not want
and yes though we walk through
the valley of the shadow of death
we shall fear no evil
for the Lord is with us
His rod of correction and His shepherd’s staff
comforts us with this knowledge and it is good
that as one wise one framed it
we who are in the same boat know
that the universe is unfolding as it should

green pastures

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Remembering Ernest McQuary

Remembering my step father, Ernest McQuary.

He was a shade tree mechanic and a darn good one too.

His legs sticking out from under a 51 Ford and he’s talking for the mechanical parts:

Maybe it’s a nut or a bolt and he says:

“I’m not comin’ off! I’ve been on here since 1951 and I’m NOT coming off………

go ahead and try you asshole and do you know what?

Yer gonna skin yer knuckles when you miss a pull on that wrench that’s what!

…and do you know what else?

I’m gonna make sure that so much rusty sludge will fall in yer eyes

that you regret ever trying to unloose me!!”

Well, by this time I was fairly break dancing with laughter

even before break dancing was invented…

and of course this only encouraged him to continue all the more

Miss you Ernest!

Carnaby Finnegan Moves a Bust

clancy olafferty

Carnaby Finnegan Moves a Bust

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Carnaby Finnegan said

“Dammit I sinned
I saw that same lassie again at the bar!”

He saw her big boobs
and he thought like a stooge
then his thoughts very soon went afar
Well quick as a wink, he bought her a drink
and made a progression he guessed
until through the door
walked a six-foot-four
her beau with a fifty-inch chest
Finnegan said with a face beet red
“Well, here’s a kind lady I think
I was sittin’ alone
she had pity and so
she decided to buy me a drink”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

 

Word count:100 Draft saved at 8:58:27 pm. Last edited by Maurie Nord on July 19, 2014 at 5:35 pm

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ge
then his thoughts very soon went afar
Well quick as a wink, he bought her a drink
and made a progression he guessed
until through the door
walked a six-foot-four
her beau with a fifty-inch chest
Finnegan said with a face beet red
“Well, here’s a kind lady I think
I was sittin’ alone
she had pity and so
she decided to buy me a drink”


 

Murphy Enjoys a Viking Feast

clancy olafferty

Murphy Enjoys A Viking Feast

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Murphy went to a Viking feast
a medieval all you can eat
where they throw the bones all around the hall
and try to hit their mother-in-law
but they had a rule to govern the booze
a simple rhyme that they had  to use:

“You horrible wench don’t make me think
I’ll raise no stench if you bring me a drink”

Well, Murphy had practised it all day long
and knew he could say it and never go wrong
no matter the number of shots he downed
he could say that rhyme and without a doubt
The serving wench came around and purred

“Now Murphy my master what can I thee serve”

And Murphy said this and it’s true for sure:

“You horrible stench don’t thake me mink
I’ll staise no rench if you ding me a brink!”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord

James Wilson of the Dyan

The Wilsons of the Dyan

by

Maurie Nord

Well we reckon we see with our glasses of Guinness
and the Lord Himself says, “what you drink’s your own business”
He leaves us some matters to find in our time
the truth of what matters what matters will rhyme

We sing

Hey ho Hey ho!
We’re from the Wilsons direct of the Dyan now
Hey ho hey ho
we’re of the Emerald Isle!

We sing

Hey ho Hey ho!
We’re from the Wilsons direct of the Dyan now
Hey ho hey ho
we’re of the Emerald Isle

Quiet now….

We’re all of the Emerald Isle

Quiet now….

We’re all of the Emerald Isle

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014