Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

clancy olafferty

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

By Clancy O’Lafferty

 

A father walked into the barber shop

With his darlin’ young daughter in hand

The shop was full of old men who woke up

And they whispered of what they beheld

“What’s he doin’ in here on a Saturday morn

With his daughter it don’t seem right?

Should he not be out playin’ a round of golf

Or keepin’ his fishin’ line tight?

When his turn came time

In the chair he climbed for a haircut

And just as he planned

His daughter inquired and so childlike inspired,

“Is this all we’ve to do on rag time?”

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This is a true story as told by a Master Barber. It really happened! The shop erupted in gales of laughter…the father turned into a beet!

Copyright Maurie Nord

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Murphy The Riddle Master

clancy olafferty

Murphy The Riddle Master

by Clancy O’Lafferty

randy the riddler

Randolph Riddlington:

“So Murphy you claim that you’re the best?

Well, here is one that you’ll never guess!

Mix PMS with GPS

And tell me now just what you’ll get?

Murphy:

“You know full well that I’m the best

But once more I’ll be glad to remind you

Mix PMS and GPS?

You’ll get a bitch that is bound to find you!”

 

Disclaimer: AHHHH! Don’t take me serious although some men may insist upon doing so!

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copyright Maurie Nord 2014

 

 

 

 

Murphy Airline Crash Detective

clancy olafferty

Murphy Airline Crash Detective

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Now, Murphy said “surely
I’m trained and I’m worthy
to find out why airplanes do crash
I took seven lessons
And now there’s no guessin’
Me expert opinion means cash!
Concernin’ the fate of
flight eight-forty-eight
I am certain my me findins will tell
Great investigations found great revelations
it crashed ‘cuz  the fockin’ thing fell!”

Apology: this is in no way to make light of anyone who has lost a loved one due to an airline, or any other accident. The poem has more to do with ridiculing those who dodge responsibility to avoid paying money to make  airline travel safer!

 

 

 

Next Generation

clancy olafferty

Next Generation

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Now, these gen X kids
or whatever they call ’em
are beginning to whine
about all of the sudden pains
that come out of nowhere and
kids that laugh at the style of their
hair and they think by God I am
getting old just like those old pharts
who laughed and warned me to never do that
Do what? They ask.
You see what I mean?
They’re forgetting already.
Hah! Every generation shows up the same

Riding  bare-back naked on a stallion

Holding on by the mane

it’s nothing new
it’s quite hilarious
aw….comon

don’t take me serious!

 

brian wilson 2Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp in Los Angeles

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

O’Riley Got A Rolex

clancy olafferty

O’Riley Got A Rolex (and Cannot Quit Watching It)

By Clancy O’Lafferty  

O’Riley says:

“I hates time

If you asks  me why

Well it’s hard to make time rhyme

That is, in this sense:

When I thinks of  certain warm days of June

in school buzzin’ bees on sleepy afternoons

that never seemed to bloody well end

Over and over and over again

Cheap Timex hands that never seemed to move

No matter how long I stared at them

But now on this Rolex they flies around fast

like this Dream Liner flight

And I fall asleep at the hat of a drop and I pinch me self?

Will we  land alright?

Yes we shall not drop

That’s what I thought

 

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copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Old Phart Phrases 2

clancy olafferty

Old Phart Phrases 2

by Clancy O’Lafferty

I heard this fellow in a barber shop in Penticton, B.C.:

 

“I deserted to try to git me away from them kemstry infeked legoomies

So I switched over to them orgasmic growed veggies

Cuz them folks said theys more helfy to me!

“The usual Joe?” The young barber said

“Yep, trim me side bars and eye lashers

and cut ‘er tight to me head

I’m right about them kemicals I reckon

less all of them nature type folks is ferstakin”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

 

 

Flannigan’s Ride On An Escalator

clancy olafferty

Flannigan’s Ride On An Escalator

By Clancy O’Lafferty

 

Flannigan up to another shenanigan

On a Pusan escalator

He saw not one sign

But five of them mind you

EMERGENCY STOP! ‘s what it stated

So Flannigan pressed the red button five times

And the shoppers were so irritated

Poor  Flannigan sighed, “I saw the red signs

And I thought I should surely obey them!”

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

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escalator

 

 

Park Wherever You Damn Well Please

 

clancy olafferty

Park Wherever You Damn Well Please

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Murphy made a good plan to visit Pusan

In the South of Korea, you’ll agree

And he chose to abort a trip to  the north

Where no Guinness is found you see

Well, he wandered around in Haeundae and found

the “Wolfhound Pub” with his nose

the fragrance of Guinness and fresh fish ‘n’ chips

could hardly escape I suppose

But on his way there at a sign he stared

advertisin’ the “Austin Mini”

He asked the clerk, “Where’s the girl with the skirt?”

Who said, “Diss a car you ninny!”

Then Murphy opined on the dealership sign

“I have got to get me one of these!”

In big letters so bold the dealership told him

“Park any damn place that you please!”

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

park anywhere

http://koreabridge.net/listing/wolfhound-irish-pub-restaurant

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