Gregor wanted a Funny Guitar

GREGOR WANTED A FUNNY GUITAR

by Clancy O’Lafferty

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

Gregor went down to Qatar

To buy him a funny guitar

An Arabian lady was playin’ so grand

One night at a Frenchman’s bar

The girl had a scarf on her head

And another was danciin’ by heck

Gregor said, “by gum I’m buyin’ me one

And a dancer as well if I can!”‘

When he spied a good shop in Doha

He muttered, “by gory aha!

Now that one there is the same or I’m lame

as the dame in the Frenchman’s bar!

“Now how many Royals is that?”

And he smiled like a Chesire cat

He looked round the room as he whistled a tune

But the price made his whistle fall flat

Gregor said, “I”ll try to be nice

And I’ll pay but a third of your price”

If you throw in a dancer, a belly dance prancer

You know the kind that I like.

Tis here in the land of Qatar,

You invented them funny guitars

And the dancers as well, them she devils from hell

That I love in the Frenchman’s bar

Their navels that rotate so slowly

And hips with a mind of their own see?

Well, it all started here and they sell lots of beer

And I’ll open a pub up in Derry”

Well, the owner he showed him the door

With a boot to his butt and he swore

“Allah give you some lashes instead of silk sashes

And all of these sins you adore!”

“You know that these all started here?

Gregor pointed his finger and jeered

The navels, the teats and the swivelling hips

And the oldest concoctions for beer!

I know that you secretly love em

And you think that yer somehow above em

Tis money yer after you git fiddle crafter

Now take yer fine profits and shove em!”

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Standing Somewhere in the Shadows

Originally published on May 16, 2002, a prophetic poem by Maurie Nord

STANDING SOMEWHERE IN THE SHADOWS

I saw by night, and behold a man riding upon a red horse, and he stood among the myrtle trees that were in the bottom; and behind him were there red horses, speckled and white.

Zechariah 1:8

I sense that the Spirit of the Lord is saying this:

Darkness is descending,

and in the shadows, I Am waiting for you to see Me.

I Am not pleased to see you wounded and in despair,

you look this way and that way for compassion,

is there any friend to comfort you?

I Am waiting for your eyes to adjust

to the darkness,

then you will see Me.

I will be at first a shadow,

then I will grow brighter as you behold Me.

In your despair, you will ask,

“How can these things come upon me?

Am I not special?

Have I not been chosen of You to be a light for liberty?

and a testimony for truth?”

Yes, and all the brighter you will, in darkness, shine!

I have been waiting for you, here,

in the valley of despair,

where the last straws of self reliance

are tightly clutched,

then at last, are reluctantly surrendered,

and are Mine.

You will peer into the darkness,

and in the shadows,

among the myrtles which camoflaged Me

by the light of  your glory days,

in your darkness,

you will find Me.

I Am not pleased

that it was here, and only here

you needed to come

to find Me.

I Am not pleased

that those who hate you

are at peace,

at rest and satisfied

with your despair.

You have faced enemies with courage,

and mighty is the armour

upon which you have relied.

Here in the valley,

I Am your only Armour,

here in the shadows, I stand ready,

and with Me stands My Bride.

We are not pleased at your pain,

we are not pleased

that you are brought down.

Yet it is for your gain,

that pain is allowed.

Your ears were deafened, amid the din of

the battles of distraction.

The cries of My watchmen:

“Watch your Unarmed Back!”

When at last you felt the stings,

of the first two sharp arrows,

as a giant aroused too late,

you turned around

and screamed,

“YOU!”

Since then have followed

grievous arrows,

and even now in this low place,

in this valley you ask,

“How can this be,

and,

“How can I be brought low?”

and,

“Can it be that such things can happen,

to me, to even me?”

From the shadows of the myrtles I answer,

“Yes, these things can be,

and again,

I Am not pleased.”

I stand ready,

upon my warrior horse of red,

to stand up for you,

America,

I Am not pleased

that your blood is shed.

You were merciful to Israel,

and you took her side.

Under the shadow of the Eagle’s wings,

for awhile she did abide,

until the enemies behind you,

the enemies among you,

the enemies within you cried,

“NOW!”

And you have paid the price.

And now, behold Me, in the darkness,

I shine more brightly than the day.

Do even now,

as upon your coinage,

you long have boldly proclaimed:

Put your trust in Me,

let Me lead the way.

I Am the True Liberty,

I Am the True Safety,

I Am the True Wealth,

I Am the True Eagle,

I Am exalted above the Stars,

for the Stripes upon my back.

With pierced hands I beckon you,

Climb upon my back and soar!

Soar with me on the winds

of this great adversity!

You who have walked the moon,

will never see a grander sight,

than to behold the Lord,

in the Beauty of Holiness,

and on the wings of true faith,

to view the nations from His heights!

Oh look!

Your  Weeping Northern Brother

stretches open arms,

of love:

“Let’s fly together,

Wounded Brother,

let’s climb upon the Eagle’s back,

let us soar!

Let us be one people,

in His Love, let there be no border.

Let’s be united in this:

that we put our trust in the Lord!”

“We’ve been tasting of the Water,

from the Rock our leaders struck.

It is sweeter than the Maples.

We are with you in the myrtles,

in the shadows.

We are standing with you

in the shadows.”

The Coin Toss

The Coin Toss

By Maurie Nord

I see the two sides of a coin

Heads or tails deciding

Flip of thumb and on the ground

The referee is minding

The toss of coin

The flip of thumb in air

By law he must be bound

But the quarter back has a secret pass

Touch down!

I received!

And I’m out of hiding

 

January 1, 2015

Hat Etiquette

HAT ETIQUETTE

 

(“the terrorists are negotiating with grocery store hostages out of their respect for human life…” CNN)

by Maurie Nord

Hat etiquette

is there anyone alive

who remembers it?

or have they all

taken the dive beneath

cold soil

in marble orchards

now powerless to decide on

matters that are obviously right?

is anyone able to touch a brim

to pinch a crown

to politely brush it

or sometimes to respectfully remove it?

is there anyone willing to wear it on a wise head

over a heart brave enough to sail, fly or

to march into the night

upon some bloody beachhead and fight

for what is clearly the Truth

brave enough to capitalize the Word

and to even die for the right to do so?

I think there are many

but they sadly lack those

with a set big enough to back them

is there anyone unafraid to write a poem

pretentious enough to rhyme?

or to make any kind of sense at all?

one that leaves those sadly bereaved

of sanity to be pinned and wriggling on a wall

where some women still come and go

talking of Michaelangelo?

is there anyone left to understand

a sweat band?

perhaps we have only a bewildered band

grandsons of great grandfathers

who paid a great toll

the greatest generation

(we forgive their martinis

their digust for Mary Jane

long hair

and their refusal to seriously

touch their brims

except with wry grins

when they first heard the music

called “rock and roll”

EP CB and later some

bands that had only four)

for them a band was big

Benny Goodman or Lawrence Welk

but more than a-one-and-a-two

they were a band of brothers

or else, to them a band

meant a fancy

ribbon on a felt fedora

and before that a leather strap

they cinched around

a cowboy hat

Murphy Drives A Semi

Murphy Drives A Semi

by Clancy O’Lafferty

clancy olafferty

 

Murphy moved to the You Nighted States

cuz he wanted to drive a big semi

and he dreamed of all them highway cafes

with them waitresses hot and are plenty

but his hopes got busted when his wife said

that she must ride every haul with him you see

well, Murphy he tried

to prevent her by chiding

“You’ll not have me stoppin’ to pee!”

she said, “No, I won’t

I can hold it you dolt”

and at last he was forced to agree

but ten miles down the interstate

she said “For pity’s sake

stop, let me get some relief!”

Murphy said, “No!

Roll down the window

stick yer bum out and take yer damn pee!”

so, she did it but soon

she said, “Number two

as well tis callin’ me name”

Murphy said, “NO!

Roll down the window

with the poo you can just do the same!”

and so she did

and the flyin’ shit

hit two drunks on the side of the lane

One said to the other

“What rotten tobaccer

them truckers is chewin’ these days!”

The other one said

“You ain’t kiddin’ Fred

but it’s one other thing that I’ll ask ya

the tobacco’s sure rotten

but my eyesight is not

did you notice the face on that bastard?

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

 

 

All in the same boat

All In the Same Boat

by Maurie Nord

In a world of trials stresses, and sorrows
we know that we are never alone
we are all in the same boat
those of us with even the slightest human dignity
who would rather bless than blast
unless forced for this freedom to row
we fight at last still
we are always looking for the comfort zone
and who can blame us?
certainly not the Lord Himself
for the Lord is our Shepherd
He encourages to lie down in green pastures
where are those pastures?
they are in His heart
and resting there we shall not want
and yes though we walk through
the valley of the shadow of death
we shall fear no evil
for the Lord is with us
His rod of correction and His shepherd’s staff
comforts us with this knowledge and it is good
that as one wise one framed it
we who are in the same boat know
that the universe is unfolding as it should

green pastures

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Carnaby Finnegan Moves a Bust

clancy olafferty

Carnaby Finnegan Moves a Bust

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Carnaby Finnegan said

“Dammit I sinned
I saw that same lassie again at the bar!”

He saw her big boobs
and he thought like a stooge
then his thoughts very soon went afar
Well quick as a wink, he bought her a drink
and made a progression he guessed
until through the door
walked a six-foot-four
her beau with a fifty-inch chest
Finnegan said with a face beet red
“Well, here’s a kind lady I think
I was sittin’ alone
she had pity and so
she decided to buy me a drink”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

 

Word count:100 Draft saved at 8:58:27 pm. Last edited by Maurie Nord on July 19, 2014 at 5:35 pm

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ge
then his thoughts very soon went afar
Well quick as a wink, he bought her a drink
and made a progression he guessed
until through the door
walked a six-foot-four
her beau with a fifty-inch chest
Finnegan said with a face beet red
“Well, here’s a kind lady I think
I was sittin’ alone
she had pity and so
she decided to buy me a drink”


 

Murphy Enjoys a Viking Feast

clancy olafferty

Murphy Enjoys A Viking Feast

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Murphy went to a Viking feast
a medieval all you can eat
where they throw the bones all around the hall
and try to hit their mother-in-law
but they had a rule to govern the booze
a simple rhyme that they had  to use:

“You horrible wench don’t make me think
I’ll raise no stench if you bring me a drink”

Well, Murphy had practised it all day long
and knew he could say it and never go wrong
no matter the number of shots he downed
he could say that rhyme and without a doubt
The serving wench came around and purred

“Now Murphy my master what can I thee serve”

And Murphy said this and it’s true for sure:

“You horrible stench don’t thake me mink
I’ll staise no rench if you ding me a brink!”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord

James Wilson of the Dyan

The Wilsons of the Dyan

by

Maurie Nord

Well we reckon we see with our glasses of Guinness
and the Lord Himself says, “what you drink’s your own business”
He leaves us some matters to find in our time
the truth of what matters what matters will rhyme

We sing

Hey ho Hey ho!
We’re from the Wilsons direct of the Dyan now
Hey ho hey ho
we’re of the Emerald Isle!

We sing

Hey ho Hey ho!
We’re from the Wilsons direct of the Dyan now
Hey ho hey ho
we’re of the Emerald Isle

Quiet now….

We’re all of the Emerald Isle

Quiet now….

We’re all of the Emerald Isle

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

I Threw a Pebble into a Pond

I Threw a Pebble into a Pond

by Maurie Nord

I threw a pebble into a pond
and then I threw in a rock
ripples of pebble went just as far
as waves generated by rock
Ted Turner
he changed the world
but if we think about it we will see
that rock or pebble
pebble or rock
we all change the world….
don’t we?

ripple in pond pic

 

poem copyright Maurie Nord 2014