Carnaby Finnegan Moves a Bust

clancy olafferty

Carnaby Finnegan Moves a Bust

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Carnaby Finnegan said

“Dammit I sinned
I saw that same lassie again at the bar!”

He saw her big boobs
and he thought like a stooge
then his thoughts very soon went afar
Well quick as a wink, he bought her a drink
and made a progression he guessed
until through the door
walked a six-foot-four
her beau with a fifty-inch chest
Finnegan said with a face beet red
“Well, here’s a kind lady I think
I was sittin’ alone
she had pity and so
she decided to buy me a drink”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

 

Word count:100 Draft saved at 8:58:27 pm. Last edited by Maurie Nord on July 19, 2014 at 5:35 pm

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ge
then his thoughts very soon went afar
Well quick as a wink, he bought her a drink
and made a progression he guessed
until through the door
walked a six-foot-four
her beau with a fifty-inch chest
Finnegan said with a face beet red
“Well, here’s a kind lady I think
I was sittin’ alone
she had pity and so
she decided to buy me a drink”


 

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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

clancy olafferty

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

By Clancy O’Lafferty

 

A father walked into the barber shop

With his darlin’ young daughter in hand

The shop was full of old men who woke up

And they whispered of what they beheld

“What’s he doin’ in here on a Saturday morn

With his daughter it don’t seem right?

Should he not be out playin’ a round of golf

Or keepin’ his fishin’ line tight?

When his turn came time

In the chair he climbed for a haircut

And just as he planned

His daughter inquired and so childlike inspired,

“Is this all we’ve to do on rag time?”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

 

This is a true story as told by a Master Barber. It really happened! The shop erupted in gales of laughter…the father turned into a beet!

Copyright Maurie Nord

Old Phart Phrases 2

clancy olafferty

Old Phart Phrases 2

by Clancy O’Lafferty

I heard this fellow in a barber shop in Penticton, B.C.:

 

“I deserted to try to git me away from them kemstry infeked legoomies

So I switched over to them orgasmic growed veggies

Cuz them folks said theys more helfy to me!

“The usual Joe?” The young barber said

“Yep, trim me side bars and eye lashers

and cut ‘er tight to me head

I’m right about them kemicals I reckon

less all of them nature type folks is ferstakin”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

 

 

Flannigan’s Ride On An Escalator

clancy olafferty

Flannigan’s Ride On An Escalator

By Clancy O’Lafferty

 

Flannigan up to another shenanigan

On a Pusan escalator

He saw not one sign

But five of them mind you

EMERGENCY STOP! ‘s what it stated

So Flannigan pressed the red button five times

And the shoppers were so irritated

Poor  Flannigan sighed, “I saw the red signs

And I thought I should surely obey them!”

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

escalator

 

 

Sock Sock Shoe Shoe Tie Tie

clancy olafferty

Sock Sock Shoe Shoe Tie Tie

By Clancy O’Lafferty

(Clancy challenges you to read this at full speed as a sobriety test)

 

Murphy: Be you a sock sock shoe shoe tie tie guy?

Finnegan: No, I be sock shoe tie sock shoe tie guy

Hennesey: Well, I be a shoe shoe tie tie sock sock guy

Murphy: Well a sock sock shoe shoe tie tie guy’s right

Finnegan: And a shoe shoe tie tie sock sock guy’s fine

Hennesey: But if you be a be a shoe shoe tie tie sock sock guy

Or a shoe tie sock shoe tie sock guy

Then you’ll strut around with joy and peace and  pride

Knowing that your laces  never come untied!

 

socks over shoesleprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Murphy The Riddle Master 7

clancy olafferty

Cllancy O”Lafferty

randy the riddler

Randy Riddlington: “Alright you little green smarty pants try this one:

A poor man is sitting in a pub. He sees that the man next to him is extremely rich.

Poor man: I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed.

The rich man:   HA HA HA HA! Yeah right!

Poor man: I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a popular song that includes a lady’s name of your choosing.

The rich man laughs again.

Rich man: OK, how about my daughter’s name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?

The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

 

Murphy:

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Joanna Armstrong-Miller happy birthday to you!”

leprechaun laughing

Murphy And Duffie Were Buildin’ A Shack

clancy olafferty

Murphy And Duffie Were Buildin’ A Shack

(Bold type for the beat)

By Clancy O’Lafferty

Murphy and Duffie were buildin’ a shack

And were nailin’ tar paper upon ‘im

When Murphy said, “Jack, take a look these tacks

They all have their heads on the wrong end!”

Duffie said, “Murphy you don’t have to worry

Don’t be jumpy like some kinda louse

Them tacks that we buyed well they’ll work out just fine

For the other one sides of the house!”

leprechaun laughing

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Murphy The Riddle Master 4

clancy olafferty

Murphy The Riddle Master 4

by Clancy O’Lafferty

randy the riddler

Randolph Riddleton:

How do you catch a bird, Great Murphy, well how do you catch a bird?

Murphy:

Well it’s easy to catch a bird you Nerd

If you do as I say you won’t fail

Just sneak up behind him and ever so quietly

Sprinkle some salt on his tail!

 

leprechaun laughing

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

 

Murphy The Riddle Master 3

Murphy The Riddle Master 3

by Clancy O’Lafferty

clancy olafferty

 

randy the riddler

Randolph Riddleton

“Two fathers and two sons went huntin’ together

And in total of ducks they got three

How many ducks would each duck hunter get?

If a “Master” you claim to be?”

Murphy:

“A son and his father and plus his grandfather

The total of hunters is three

Who are you kiddin’ Mr Randy O’Riddle?

A duck apiece they will receive!

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

duck dynasty