Gregor wanted a Funny Guitar

GREGOR WANTED A FUNNY GUITAR

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Gregor went down to Qatar

To buy him a funny guitar

An Arabian lady was playin’ so grand

One night at a Frenchman’s bar

The girl had a scarf on her head

And another was danciin’ by heck

Gregor said, “by gum I’m buyin’ me one

And a dancer as well if I can!”‘

When he spied a good shop in Doha

He muttered, “by gory aha!

Now that one there is the same or I’m lame

as the dame in the Frenchman’s bar!

“Now how many Royals is that?”

And he smiled like a Chesire cat

He looked round the room as he whistled a tune

But the price made his whistle fall flat

Gregor said, “I”ll try to be nice

And I’ll pay but a third of your price”

If you throw in a dancer, a belly dance prancer

You know the kind that I like.

Tis here in the land of Qatar,

You invented them funny guitars

And the dancers as well, them she devils from hell

That I love in the Frenchman’s bar

Their navels that rotate so slowly

And hips with a mind of their own see?

Well, it all started here and they sell lots of beer

And I’ll open a pub up in Derry”

Well, the owner he showed him the door

With a boot to his butt and he swore

“Allah give you some lashes instead of silk sashes

And all of these sins you adore!”

“You know that these all started here?

Gregor pointed his finger and jeered

The navels, the teats and the swivelling hips

And the oldest concoctions for beer!

I know that you secretly love em

And you think that yer somehow above em

Tis money yer after you git fiddle crafter

Now take yer fine profits and shove em!”