Murphy Meets God

clancy olafferty

Murphy Meets God

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Janitor Murphy walked into the church

and a man boldly sat on the altar

“What nerve you have got to be sittin’ atop of

That holy thing where you ought not to?

“I AM GOD!” the man said

Murphy trembled with dread

And  fled home to tell his GODDESS Lizzy

She said, “Don’t take chances

And questions don’t ask him

NOW GET BACK TO THAT CHURCH AND LOOK BUSY!”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Murphy Corrupts A Pure Nun

clancy olafferty

Murphy Corrupts A Pure Nun

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Murphy came down with a terrible thirst so he stopped at a new Dublin bar

He was set to walk in when a nun collared him and said, “What are you

wanting in there?

You surely must know that your Jameson Whiskey the Lord does

eternally chide!”

Murphy said, “You are right I won’t argue a mite, as I know that His

preference is wine”

But how can you condemn what you never have tasted now that

doesn’t seem to be right?

Try Jameson’s whiskey you’ll see what you’re missing if only you’ll give it

a try”

“Well, I see you  put forward a powerful point but I dare not go into the

pub

If you bring me some whiskey and people won’t see if it’s poured in a

big copper mug

So, Murphy stepped up to the bar and he called for a pint of ol’ Jameson’s

best

“And please serve it up in that big copper mug with the handle” was

Murphy’s request

The bartender filled up the big copper mug and he said, “To the Lord be

the glory!

Tis the third one I’ve poured for that nun at the door who’s been preachin’

out there every mornin’”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

copyright Maurie Nord 2014

The Hard Pew

The Hard Pew 

By Maurie Nord

 

Now, Jesus, He told them the truth

“This is all that I’m askin’ of  you

Trust in me people and not in a steeple”

We know this but they were confused

HA!

They still are  confused today

The windows are blurred and stained

Saints and angels are praised

Above Him who was raised

From the dead and ascended again

He never said pay a tithe

Or you cannot be one of mine

“I want your heart

And that is the start

And I’ll deal with the Rest in time

So hard they have fashioned  the pew

From heartless oak they have hewn

But my message remains

It is always the same

Come in faith and…

I’ll receive you”

 

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

                                                                                           Matthew 11:28-29

O’Grady And Smith In A Gravel Pit

clancy olafferty

O’Grady And Smith In A Gravel Pit 

by Clancy O’Lafferty

In a gravel pit, O’Grady and Smith

Worked shoveling gravel all day

From his viewpoint above them

The foreman he watched them

And did so for twice as much pay

So, O’Grady decided to go and inquire

“Why do we get so little money?”

Then tapping his head, the foreman he said,

“It’s because you two guys are both dummies”

“Oh no, we are not!” Said O’Grady and coughed

But the foreman said, “Yes, I can prove it!”

Then placing his hand on boulder, he laughed

“Now you punch my hand ‘fore I can move it!”

He wound up for a sock at the hand on the rock

But the foreman could see the punch comin’

He moved his hand quick and O’Grady’s hard fist

Hit the rock and he walked away sobbin’

“Well what happened O’Grady and what did he say?”

“He said, “Both of us two we be dummies”

“Oh no we are not!” Said Smith and he coughed

“Yes, he proved it and thought it was funny!”

“Well tell me the truth and just what did he do?”

O’Grady said, “Here’s how he proved it”

Then placing his hand on his face and he laughed

 “Now hit me hand ‘fore I can move it!”

leprechaun laughing.jpg2

Copyright Maurie Nord2014

Murphy’s Night On The Town

clancy olafferty

Murphy’s Night On The Town

by Clancy O’Lafferty

Twas a night on the town

Murphy stumbled around

And awoke in a subway station

One hour later

found the up escalator

But a sign had a red exclamation

“Dogs must be carried on this escalator’

So clear and direct was the warning

Murphy said, “O God,

Where can I find a dog

now at two forty-five in the mornin!”

dog on escalatorleprechaun laughing.jpg2

Copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Inspired by Hal Roach

Angus Solves A Jig Saw Puzzle

clancy olafferty

Angus Solves A Jig Saw Puzzle

By Clancy O’Lafferty

Angus was given a jig saw puzzle

On the day he turned twenty and one

“An eight-piece puzzle?”

Angus said, “No trouble

And for sure I will get it all done”

Six months later with the puzzle together

Angus gave himself three hearty cheers

“I accomplished the task  and I did it so fast

On the box it says, ‘four to six years!”

leprechaun laughing

 copyright Maurie Nord 2014

Inspired by Hal Roach