“I’ll be postin’ this here poem / song because it is so funny and there may be some youngsters who have never heard or read it. See if you can follow the relationships through without losin’ yer mind!”
I Am My Own Grandpa
By Dwight Latham;Moe Jaffe
Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life
For now my daughter was my mother, ’cause she was my father’s wife
And to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
For if he were my uncle, then that also made him brother
Of the widow’s grownup daughter, who was of course my step-mother
Father’s wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter’s son
My wife is now my mother’s mother and it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife, she’s my grandmother too
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I’m her grandchild
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
‘Cause now I have become the strangest ‘case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
I’m my own grandpa, I’m my own grandpa
It sounds funny, I know but it really is so
I’m my own grandpa
“DRIVES YOU BONKERS EH? Now here is one more you may not have heard or read:
I started on a journey about a year ago to a little town called Morrow in the State of Ohio.
I’ve never been much of a traveler, and I really didn’t know that Morrow was the hardest place I’d ever try to go.
So I went down to the station for my ticket and applied for tips regarding Morrow not expecting to beguiled.
Said I, “My friend, I’d like to go to Morrow and return no later than tomorrow for I haven’t time to burn.”
Said he to me, “Now let me see if I have heard you right. You’d like to go to Morrow and return tomorrow night.
You should have gone to Morrow yesterday and back today for the train that goes to Morrow is a mile upon its way.
If you had gone to Morrow yesterday now don’t you see, you could have gone to Morrow and returned today at three
For the train today to Morrow, if the schedule is right, today it goes to Morrow and returns tomorrow night.”
Said I, “My friend, it seems to me you’re talking through your hat. There is a town named Morrow on the line now tell me that.”
“There is,” said he, “but take me a quiet little tip. To go from here to Morrow is a fourteen hour trip.
The train today to Morrow leaves today at eight thirty-five. At half-past ten tomorrow is the time it should arrive.
So if from here to Morrow is a fourteen hour jump, can you go today to Morrow and get back today, you chump?”
Said I, “I’d like to go to Morrow so can I go today and get to Morrow by tonight if there is no delay?”
“Well, well,” said he to me, “and I’ve got no more to say. CAN YOU GET anywhere tomorrow and get back again today?”
Said I, “I guess you know it all but kindly let me say, how can I get to Morrow if I leave this town today?”
Said he, “You cannot go to Morrow any more today ’cause the train that goes to Morrow is a mile upon its way.”
I was so disappointed. I was mad enough to swear. The train had gone to Morrow and had left me standing there.
HE HAD NO RIGHT in telling me that I was a-howling jay. I could not go to Morrow so I guess in town I’ll stay.
GIBSON, ALEENA / ELFGREN, STEPHAN