Charlie McMutter


Charlie McMutter

By Clancy O’Lafferty

Now Charlie McMutter

Had a terrible stutter

And wanted so badly to quit it

He jumped from a plane

To rattle his brain

He gargled with bleach and he spit it

He looked in the mirror

and he said, “Ch-Charlie d-dear,

t-tis the f-fault o’ yer m-mum an’ her y-yappin’!”

And he swore on her grave

That his tongue would behave

And he prayed, “Oh G-God, p-please l-let it h-happen!”

He was watchin’ the tube

With a brat and a brew

When an advert he saw caught his fancy

‘Twas a sexy young girl

That made his head whirl

“Lady Ella’s my name” purred the lassie.”

Charlie boy was in love

To the gentlemen’s club

Late that Friday the taxi cab took him

He walked in the room

And the smell of perfume

Took his nostrils to instantly hook him

The madam she smiled

And she asked, “What’s your style?”

Charlie said, “I w-want the l-lady g-girl E-Ella”

The madam said, “Fine

She’s has room number nine

Just wait there and I’ll go to tell her”

Charlie waited up there

In the room and stripped bare

And he thought, “I’m a r-real l-lucky f-ella!”

But he shrank back in horror

Madam opened the door

And said, “Here is your lady gorilla”

There was nowhere to run

The gorilla had fun

As she cuddled and cuddled him tightly

She stroked his hair

And nibbled his ears

Like a baby she cradled him nicely

In an hour or two

The gorilla was through

With the matter of Charlie McMutter

To the end of his days

Charlie gave the Lord praise

For putting an end to his stutter!



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